Life is funny. And it should definitely be treated that way. It shouldn’t be taken seriously. Not at all! If you do, boy are you in for an unpleasant time. This is something I have had a hard time learning, and I think I’ve finally reached a place of understanding. Basically, I have learned the hard way that you have a choice with life. Either you decide to enjoy it, or hate it. It’s black and white. No grey matter here.
Everyone has their bad days. But sometimes those days can turn into weeks, or months, and sometimes years. It could feel as if life has thrown you to the grown and is constantly kicking you in the gut. Every time you gather up enough strength to kneel, the kick gets harder and your thrown further. Imagine that really happening to you. How would you feel? What would you do?
But WHY are you being kicked? WHY are you being thrown? Those are questions that we rarely ask ourselves?
I’ve come to believe that when I reached this stage, it’s because I didn’t pay attention to the signs which were sent my way. The arrows pointing down a different path, the tightness in my chest when I wasn’t comfortable with a decision I made, the panic attacks when I was in an environment that wasn’t right for me. Life doesn’t kick you down for no reason. It starts with little “hmmm” moments, and when you don’t pay attention to those, then it sends people to drop comments. When those are ignored, then the neon signs come out. Once we turn away from those, then it pulls out the big guys. You’re thrown and kicked. It’s pleading “listen to me, dammit!!”
In other words, you’ve reached rock bottom. Now what? Yes, life sucks at that moment. You feel shitty, you feel worthless, you feel alone. Good, I’m glad! Yes, I’ve said that. And do you feel angry? I’m so happy to hear that! And let me tell you why – because you have a spark still inside of you. That shittiness feeling – that’s a form of self respect. That anger is justice, that worthlessness – a standard to exceed.
So my dear, my point is, you have a choice. You can continue feeling that way, or you can decide that ever curve ball life throws you has a choice to be made – are you going to learn and see how you can love yourself more from it? Or will you pitty yourself and feel crummy.
I hear a lot these days from friends who are amazed at how happy I am, how I have it all together and how they don’t understand why I’m not a mess. In the last 18 months my father died, my marriage fell apart, I was assaulted, lost my job and am forced to move into another house, all the while raising a 5 year old alone. I could have easily been committed to a mental institution, but decided to look at I could become a student of life. As a result of this decision, I have been able to become fluid, navigate my way around easily and adapt to any situation. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy. It’s been the most difficult period in my life, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m happiest I’ve ever been! I’ve had my days where I have broken down, lost hope and wanted to run away from everything, but I have noticed that those spouts are becoming much more infrequent, and the duration a lot shorter. No longer do my panic attacks or anxiety episodes last days. I’m happy that they last only a few hours. I’ve also learned to view them as not breaking down because I’m weak, but rather breaking down the crap in order to build something more beautiful – me.
I have found out that I may lose my job once again. The company I work for is in financial trouble. In the past I would have stressed and lost sleep over it. Sure, I’m concerned, but what can I do about this? I’m not in charge, I don’t own the company. If I am laid off, that’s fine. I will find employment again. I have plans b and c in place. But I will enjoy the ride.
It boils down to this – are you going to enjoy the ride, have your hands up in the air and laugh your ass off? Or are you going to cover your eyes and hope that it will all go away? The choice is yours