When I Grow Up

Recently I was goofing around with my daughter, laughing, singing, dancing and being crazy. She is a creative kid,  very much into the arts. She’s an excellent artist, writer, singer and dancer – and she’s only 6. Of course, I’m her Mom, and every Mom is biased of their child, but this kid has talent!

Did I mention that she’s a thinker too? The both of us are, and I can imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s older and we have our philosophical conversations, because right now they are down right interesting. She leaves me speechless all the time.

That day she posed this question to me: “Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Now, how the heck do I answer that? I AM grown up now.  When I was younger, I wanted to be a writer and so I tell her this. And then she asks “Why aren’t you a writer now?” I think, Oh boy, now what do I say? So I answer “I don’t know honey.” And then she proceeds on asking “When are you going to become one?” And I think to myself, she’s onto something and so I respond “Soon honey, but I first need to find out how to become one, and I’m going to do that right now.”

I have always enjoyed writing, though I was never confident in it and especially sharing it with others wasn’t even a thought. I couldn’t even fathom making a living from it.  And so, such innocent questions from my little girl got me thinking (not ever a good thing) and I thought “Why not? What’s there to loose?”

My daughter probably doesn’t know it, but she has given me an enormous gift.  She gave me the courage to pursue what I have always wanted to do.  I always tried to set a good example for her and I want her to believe that she can do whatever she chooses to with life.  She has the entire world as her playground.  But with those questions, how could I not pursue writing?  I would be contradicting everything I have taught her until now and what I’m striving to teach her.  I don’t want her to think that she can’t be whatever she wants to be, that she has to be unhappy in life.  No way. I want her to be a confident, successful woman (like every parent).

As I write this right now I’m faced with job uncertainty.  I will likely find out today if I will still have a job next month (3 days from now) as the company I work for may shut down (which is likely that they will). This is happening only after joining the company a short two months ago, and after being unemployed for five months prior to that.  It’s a crappy situation for anyone to be in, especially a single Mom.

However, I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. And so with this job uncertainty, I am viewing it as an opportunity to launch my website, to write, to work on what I love.  Sure, I’m not going to be earning an income right away from this (or maybe never – who knows), and I will need to still work in order to pay bill, but this is ok. I won’t know what will happen unless I try.  The first step in all of this is making a mind shift from “I’m wanting to be a write” to “I am a writer” which I have already done.

I won’t consider failing, even if I don’t earn an income.  If things don’t work out, it’s not because I failed, because failing means not trying in the first place. I tried, and that’s what I define as success – trying. And if I don’t earn an income, that’s ok.  I will still continue writing, because this is what I love to do.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

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