Hand It Over…Or Else…

“In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate, and he saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark, and it was better.” – Unknown

I don’t know who Unknown is but he sure knows his stuff.  Mmmm….chocolate.  It is so friggin yummy.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a Grade AAA chocolate lover.  I mean, I’m totally infatuated with the stuff.  Thinking of it I go weak in the knees.  I guess you can say that chocolate is my first and only love.  It can never be replaced, ever.

You see, when you eat chocolate, it causes certain endocrine glands to secrete the ‘happy’ hormones that make you feel better.  One could say that it counteracts depression,  and reduces stress.  Since you experience less stress, or even have a stress-free life as a result, it helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically, mentally and emotionally.  Why wouldn’t anyone want all of this?  The solution is to eat more chocolate. I’m convinced of this.

And yes, I can justify eating chocolate at any time.  Just don’t try to take it away or come between me and chocolate because I get violent and will hurt you.  Consider yourself warned.

I am a self-diagnosed serious chocoholic.  I have gotten into physical fights over chocolate (ok, not real fights, but close enough) and at times have threatened to only do things asked of me, or sought justice by receiving payment only in the form of chocolate.  For example, my lawyer sent me an email, frightening the begegees out of me.  I immediately sent him a return email stating that his ‘joke’ was not appreciated and the only way I would forgive him was to receive chocolate.  One week later I walked into his office and sitting on his desk was a box of chocolate.  How sweet.  I just hope he didn’t expense the box against my account.

It’s funny that since receiving that box of chocolates, I received two since.  I’m not complaining, I’m absolutely rolling in delight – like a pig in mud! Shush up….I know what you’re thinking!  But now I’m in a predicament.  My daughter is following closely in my foot steps and she too is a hard core chocoholic and she found those very boxes which I hid away.  I need to find out the proper balance between love of daughter and love of chocolate.  Does a mother give her last piece of chocolate to her daughter?  Or pretend that it is long gone?  Does she fight over it with her daughter?  Or does she share?  What is the answer?  I guess the answer is to have enough chocolate in the house to fulfill the needs of us two monsters.  She will have to get her own stash, or maybe I’ll provide one for her so she can leave mine alone.  Yes, that’s what I will do.

But some people say that chocolate is better than sex.  I hold an opinion regarding that comment, of which I choose not share with you.  However, I must say that if you believe this comment to be true, then perhaps you need to meet that special someone who can knock your socks off, or change your mind.  However, if you have met that person, and still hold the opinion that chocolate is better than sex, then please share with me where you get your chocolate!


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