I’m In Suspenders

“Your comfort zone is what keeps you back from making, creating and innovating.” 

~ Greta Tomlin

Yesterday, on New Year’s Eve, I decided to share with you all my new ritual – reflecting on my accomplishments, my letting go and what I want to bring into the New Year.

One of the things on my list for this brand New Year is to write more, and that’s what I’m doing.  Over the last few (many) months I’ve received emails from you, my readers, asking if everything is ok, why I haven’t been writing and so on.  I’m very touched by your care and I have let you know in some way or another that yes, I am ok, but…

I just didn’t have anything to write about.  I lost my mojo.

writers-block

You see, something happened in the last year and half, but I don’t know what.  Whatever happened squashed my connection to my creativity.  I could not even form a paragraph, could not write a poem.  I had absolutely no desire to string a sentence together. And when I did want to say something, I couldn’t string a sentence together.  When my domain name renewal came up I even contemplated putting this blog to rest and letting it expire.  However something inside of me told me that it wasn’t time and I paid the renewal fee and hung onto it, keeping it dormant but alive.  Yet, I still couldn’t or wouldn’t write.

This was quite troubling for me, especially since the few years before that were quite the ride.  I always managed to find my way, remain optimistic and look for the silver lining in things.  I have always been and still am a firm believer that there is some good that comes out of even the most difficult of times.  I had my creativity to fall back on, to help me sort through things, gather my thoughts, help me to remain focused – but not this time.

A couple of weeks ago when I sat down to write about my reflections on 2014 (and discovered how much I achieved) and what I want to manifest in 2015 something shifted in me.  I was even inspired to write a poem, something I haven’t done in years!  What this also did was light the fire inside of me to write, to be curious about things, to yearn for those lightbulb moments again.

So what happened?

And so, in my typical Smartie fashion, I went into my ethereal closet and grabbed my shovel and flashlight and begun to dig inside of me and shine the flashlight in the dark places.

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And boy was I surprised by what I found out!

What I found out quite sucked to find out.  It wasn’t true that I had nothing to say.  I HAD and HAVE a lot to say.  But I felt like I was muzzled!  And the worst of it, it was ME that was doing the muzzling.

What the heck?

I was AFRAID to say what I wanted to say.  I was fearful of the repercussions to what I wanted to say. And so I didn’t say what I wanted to say.

What a friggin awakening this was for me!

My friends, a couple of weeks back when I did my lists, one of the items I resolved to do is to revive Smartie Knows in 2015.  As today is the first day of 2015, I’m doing just that.

This space is once again a sacred space for me that I share with you.  Through this coming year, I will share with you not only what I discovered, but also my accomplishments, my trials (not legal I hope), my thoughts (air-head sometimes), my deepest desires, my tear jerking times, my over-the-moon moments, my dark nights of the soul,  my curiosity and most of all, my lightbulb moments.

P.S. If you’re wondering why I’m in suspenders (which I make no reference to in this post besides the title), I just want to keep you in anticipation for what’s to come 🙂  So stay in suspenders for my next post.

Oh, here’s a question!  Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?

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With love,

Smartie

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