Under Construction

“Be able to read blueprints, diagrams, floorplans, and other diagrams used in the construction process.” ~ Marilyn vos Savant

That’s what I’ve been up to all these months – construction.  Seriously, I have.

I haven’t been building a house, or anything of those sorts.  I have been building my life.  And I’ve had to take a mental break from a lot of things, including writing, not willingly.

Let me tell you a bit more of what has been going on.  Back in January, since my last post, I was laid off again.  Yeah, it sucks, three times in two years but I decided to take it as a sign from God.  Or more like a kick in the butt from him to tell me to finally get on with my plan, my path, my purpose.  Yeah, I know, I’m stubborn and I don’t listen very well but it’s one of the areas in my life which I’m reconstructing.

Then about a month later I made the trip with my daughter to the land of Oz.  It was a life changing trip for me.  I do believe that I had to go on this journey to spring forward my spiritual journey.  That was the beginning of a lot of changes to my life.

And to add more to the mix, the house I’m living in right now finally sold while I was away, and I’m in the midst of packing and getting ready to move on.

And the list goes on and on and on and on.  FINALLY! I’m starting to live my dreams.

So like I said, lots of rebuilding going on here.  But all good, and all will be good.  You’ll starting hearing more from me again, I promise.  Oh, and you’ll see changes slowly take place here too, so don’t worry if things don’t seem familiar.

Missed you lots,

Smartie

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Be Careful What You Wish For….

“There’s nothing scarier then getting what you want, cause that’s when you really have something to lose.” – Unknown

Now ain’t that the truth!!

It’s friggin scary – right down to the bone.  Why is that?  When we don’t get what we want, we complain on end.  “I hate my job, I wish I had a job that I like” or “I hate my house, I wish it was_____” or “life sucks” etc.  But when change takes place, and the universe gives us what we want, we become stuck.  It’s like we’re paralyzed with fear and we’re unable to act, or all of a sudden we develop some sort of selective amnesia.

On Friday I didn’t go into work.  My daughter had a PA Day and was home, and I’ve missed her terribly these last couple of weeks.  She spent a lot of time with her Dad as a result of our trip to Florida, so I decided to stay home with her.  I remember thinking on Friday, and also over the weekend (it was Daddy weekend), that I wished that I could stay home with her more often.  Last summer when I was unemployed, although it was extremely stressful, I enjoyed it because I got to be home with her during the summer break.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like working, I love it.  I just want to do something that I love, and I want to work for myself, make my own hours this way I can be home with my family more.  I’ve been fortunate that the last few jobs I had were very flexible in terms of hours and working from home.  But I still didn’t work for myself.

So yesterday the universe answered my request.  My place of employment is dissolving, and I was laid off.  Last year when I was laid off I cried my eyes out.  This time, I started laughing.  My boss thought I was crazy!  I couldn’t believe what was unfolding before my eyes!!!  I have been given everything I’ve wanted – to be home with my daughter during the summer, time to take the writing courses I’ve been wanting to, time to start my own business and so much more!

So why am I so friggin scared?

Like the quote said, it’s because now I have something to lose.  You see, we get so comfortable with the way things are in life that when we actually take a risk to go after what we dream of, it becomes so scary.  Rarely do people do that.  Not many people can go after what they want from life because they don’t even know what it is that they want.

What makes it scary?  It’s going against the norm, knowing that you’re on your own, and you’re going after your own dream, doing the work to make you succeed, not someone else.  We’ve been conditioned to go to school, get a good education, get a good job and retire there.  Nowhere does it say to do what you love.  Some people do love what they do while working for someone else, but that isn’t the norm.  That is rare.

Also, you don’t just wake up one morning and think “I’m going to do this.”  No, you feel a deep dissatisfaction inside of you, even though you’re happy, there is a sense of unhappiness just hanging out somewhere in your chest.  You realise that things are not the way you hoped they would be, and you know that they won’t change until you do something about it.

We become paralysed with fear because when we set out to do something, we find it so hard, we don’t know what to do.  Then we think about the past, and how much better it was the way things were, and the present seems worse.  But we forget how dissatisfied we were.  We start caring about what people think of us, about looking like a failure and worry and them talking and saying “see, I know she couldn’t do that.” Then we get slowly lulled back into the old routine.

Life should be about doing what you love, it’s not about caring what other people think.  It’s about taking chances, laughing your heart out until you get a big belly ache, it’s about dancing in the rain, having dinner in your pjs. It’s ok if you fail, and especially ok if you fail more than once.  How do you know if you’ve succeed if you’ve never took the chance, and have never failed.  Imagine what we’d look like if we didn’t take the chance to walk when we were babies?  Or we stopped after we fell the first time?  It’s about taking the risk.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming WOOHOO, what a ride!” – Unknown