She Be Thinking….

“Poirot,” I said.  “I have been thinking.”

“An admirable exercise my friend.  Continue it.” – Agatha Christie, Peril at End House

I’ve been told that I think too much.  I’ve also been told that if I stop thinking so much, and all my problems would go away.

If it were only that easy!  As the saying goes – It’s easier said than done.  How the heck do you stop thinking? It’s easy to suggest to someone what they should do, especially if it’s for their own good, but without giving instructions, it’s pointless.  Seriously, what IS the point?

I really didn’t think I thought too much.  I thought everyone thought the way I did.  But then I was told “Smartie, you think too much.  Cut it out.”  I’ve heard this from many people.  I’ve also had people tell me that sometimes it can be hard being around me because of the way my brain processes things.  It’s not like I have a choice to not ‘think’ as much as I do. I was born this way.  To me, this is normal.

So what does it feel like to think a lot?  It’s exhausting at times.  I need regular ‘alone time’ moments to decompress and unwind.  Repetative actions also help slow down my mind.  I still think, but the speed at which the thoughts pass through this brain is reduced.  Yesterday I was working on my front lawn, trying to bring it back to life.  I mowed the lawn, laid down grass seed and spread soil overtop.  It took me about six hours and that helped.  It was very meditative.  I didn’t think much.

What makes it worse for me? Multi-tasking.  The weird thing is, I can be thinking of a million different things at one time.  Sometimes it stresses me out, but most times I’m ok with it. But the intresting thing is, I totally suck at physically multi-tasking.  I can’t do more than one physical task at a time, most times.  A former employer of mine, RL Solutions, sent my department on a time management course, and we were taught that multi-tasking makes you stupid.  This person actually suggests that you DO NOT multi-task.  Well thank goodness because if there are too many things which I’m trying to get done at the same time, this little brain of my will fizz out.  I would be trying to do two or three things at the same time, while thinking of five or six different things too.  What a sight that would be!

A while ago, someone said that they were amazed at how my brain works, and I was asked to draw a picture of how I perceive my brain thinks.  This is what it looks like to me, from the inside.  Interesting, isn’t it?  Or is it scary?

What do I think about?  Haha, I wish I could tell you.  I remember my ex always saying to me, what are you thinking?  I was shocked by this question because I wasn’t sure what to tell him.  Exactly what AM I thinking?  If people could hear my thoughts, I’m sure they would either be scared or extremely confused.  Some are common, but some are completely random.  I would love for a day to just be able to sit down and not think.  That’s not going to happen because first of all, I don’t even know what it means to just sit down and do nothing, and secondly, I don’t even know how to not think.  And if I’m exhausted or anxious, look out!! There is a steam roller incident looking to happen.

I mentioned that I was like this all the time.  I remember back in elementary school the teachers would complain and say that I “daydreamed” too much.  I guess that was the start of it.  I would “space out.”  Today it’s called “lost in thought.”  I have been asked  a couple of times by my therapist “where did you go just now?”  And of course, my answer would be “I was thinking.”

Lately the levels of stress have been a bit more than normal.  This, of course, causes me to think some more.  The other night my daughter had a bad dream and called out to me.  I went to her room to comfort her and when I returned back to bed, rather than sleeping, I remained awake for an hour thinking about about a number of different things: the best route to my new job which I start next week, what the time and price difference would be if I would take transit vs. driving, what is the best way to tackle the repairs to the front lawn – how much soil do I put down after sprinkling grass seed, and how much water, should I call my hairdresser for an appointment next week or the week after, are my roots that noticeable, what should I pack for snacks for my daughter’s lunch and on and on.

People, it was 4am and this was ridiculous!  I needed sleep!

Luckily I’m becoming more aware of my thought patterns.  This is the first step to finding ways to bring myself back to present, and deal with this issue.  I’m finding that writing helps because it makes me focus only on one thing at a time.  It’s impossible to write about two or three different topics at the same time.  Yes, I admit, I’ve tried.  It’s stressful.  And there is something so cool which is awesome and relaxing – when it works.  It’s called meditation.  Getting into the ‘zone’ is a struggle most days.  Those thoughts are zooming around in that head of mine like ping pong balls.  But it works.  I’m teaching my daughter how to meditate too.  That kid is following in my footsteps and it’s better to teach her how to calm her mind down now, rather than later.  Bed time has become somewhat of a disaster lately because she uses that time to think as well.  Last night in a span of five minutes she talked to me about school, dinner, Mexico and what the term “the proof is in the pudding” means.  Oh boy.

So there you go.  If you’re wondering about the randomness of my posts, now you know the reason to it.  It’s like fishing in my brain, and the catch of the day determines the topic you’ll be reading about.  And if this post doesn’t make any sense, I’m sorry.  I’ve tried my best to slow down these thoughts.

Not sure if you thought of this (I did), I used the word ‘think’ 23 times in the post, and the word ‘thought’ 11 times.  🙂

Blorft And Other Things

“I was a little excited but mostly blorft. “Blorft” is an adjective I just made up that means ‘Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.’ I have been blorft every day for [a long time].” ― Tina Fey, Bossypants

Blorft. What a great word.  And it toally describes what I have been doing for the past few years.  One thing after another would happen, and I’d like “ok, this happened” and I would just plough through it. Just one more thing to look after.

But I find you can only do that so much before your body totally caves in.  And when you reach that point, nothing anybody says can help.  Not “things will get better soon”, or “it’s not that bad”, and my favourite is “it will all work out in the end.” I get it, I know why people say these things.  It’s to give you that hope to keep pushing forward, but what happens when you don’t see any end in sight, or there is no way out?  And what about when you think you’ve hit rock bottom because things can’t possibly get worse, and you believe that you’re on your way up, because things do seem to be getting better, and then all of a sudden you’ve been pushed and you’re plumetting down much further than you have ever been before?  What do you do?

After some thought, I figured it out out a few things that I do.  Most of the time I want to sweep away half of the things I’m expected to do by sleeping as much and as long as I can.  Any moment I can.  But this isn’t possible most times.  I do have a little girl to care for.

Other times, I want to have a very good cry.  Crying to the point where it’s impossible to breathe, where I can’t believe that the sounds I hear are actually coming from me.  And just as much as I want a good cry, I also want a good laugh.   Laughing to the point where my belly aches.

Sometimes I feed my emotional needs by feeding my stomach.  I don’t make the healthiest choices in this state.  Everything I eat usually contains some form of chocolate in it.  And then I get more stressed out because I get wider and I break out in pimples.  Definitely not a good way to cope.

Often times I just want to be left alone in my thoughts.  I go quiet.  I can be in a room full of people, listening to conversation and not contribute at all.  I am just there.

But most of all, what I do is try to slow down my mind.  And how do I do this?

I organize things around the house.

I’m not crazy.  And I’m definitely not a clean freak.  Once I had asked someone to clean after themselves more carefully and they couldn’t understand my strong reaction to what they did.  They couldn’t understand why such as small thing would get to me that much.  They couldn’t understand why I felt that the house was such a mess, when they thought it wasn’t.  It’s about reducing stress and clutter.  It’s about efficiency.  If I’m feeling overwhelmed and I look around the house and see papers and things everywhere, it stresses me out further.  And when someone does something, when they aren’t careful, it stresses me further.  Organizing and cleaning is a way of stepping back, going back to basics.  It doesn’t solve my problems, of course not. It allows me the time and space to work through my problems.  It slows me down.

It’s like the exercise done for some women recovering from abuse or other stressful situations, where she may feel like she is not in charge of anything, especially her own world.  This exercise involves her to come face to face with a horse with trepidation.  The horse senses her fear and becomes tense.  The woman is handed a brush and sent to go and fuss over the horse.  She is told to stand very close to the horse that way she is out of kicking range, but is warned she also has to make sure she doesn’t get stomped on.  Above all, she is told to watch for the signs of fear in herself, as the horse is sensitive to it and react to it.  They are both allowed to back away and regroup and try again until they are comfortable with each other.  Once comfortable, calm prevails.  The exercise is all about teaching the woman to center herself.  To get her to feel that she can take charge of something, has some means of control in her life.

And this is what I do with my cleaning sprees.  It’s about centering myself.  The simple routine allows for that.  In other words “wax on, wax off.”

And what is another big bonus in all of this?  A tidy house 🙂

Hospitals and Lessons Learned

“Instructions for living a life. Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”  ~ Mary Oliver

( Note: In order to protect my daughter’s privacy, and of those involved in the incident, I will share only what I believe I can)

A few years ago I worked for an amazing company called RL Solutions.  I really enjoyed working there because I finally felt that I was making a good contribution to society.  This company created software to make health care safer.  During my tenure there, I became very knowledgeable about the cogwheels of health care, specifically what would happen in hospitals.  I learned very quickly to ask many questions and take responsibility for the health care I received and especially that of my.

Tie this knowledge with being highly intuitive, and I quickly figured out why last Friday I was feeling out of sorts.  You see, last Friday my daughter had to visit the local children’s hospital for an MRI.  She attempted to have one the week before and it didn’t work.  She was too scared.  My daughter isn’t scared of anything, especially hospitals and doctors as she was exposed to them since she was born as my Dad was in and out of hospitals all the time until he passed away a couple of years ago.  And having this procedure done at a children’s hospital, they understood these sorts of things and recommended that she return and this time have sedation.  Let me note that this hospital is a world renown hospital, and the service we received the first time was absolutely wonderful.  They were very comforting and catered to my daughter, made her feel very important and they were amazing at calming her anxiety.

So this past Friday I woke up with a knot in my stomach.  I couldn’t understand why I was feeling this way – like as if something bad was going to happen.  My mind wasn’t worried about the appointment, but my gutt was.  My daughter knew we were going to the hospital, but something just wasn’t right.  I just couldn’t shake the feeling that I had, and it was beginning to worry me.

We arrived at the hospital to for the MRI with sedation.  We checked in and everything seemed to be going smoothly as it did last time.  What was different was that she had to be screened for the drug, which is understandable.  And then things started falling apart.  The process wasn’t the same as what was described to me at time of booking.  I started to wonder what was going on. The prior week, her test took place within minutes of arriving, whereas this time an hour and a half had passed and the IV line wasn’t inserted, let alone the medication being administered. Other patients who arrived long after we did came and went, and we continued waiting.  Then, the radiologist arrived to collect us, and brought us into the MRI room and wanted my daughter to lay down.  My daughter freaked out, and was shaking with fear.  At one point she bolted to the door.  I turned to the radiologist and advised that she was to receive sedation, and he explained that she would not be receiving sedation, as there is no one in the hospital to prescribe it.  I explained that the purpose of us being here today was to receive the sedation, or else it would be a repeat of the week before, and that it didn’t make sense.  We went back and forth like this for a while and then I demanded to speak with a supervisor.

I waited for another half hour to speak with someone.  I proceeded to the reception desk, and only then did someone approach me.  The drug was giving to my daughter and within ten minutes of it being administered, they wanted to proceed with the test.  I’m not a clinician, but I know that an orally ingested drug normally requires at least half an hour to take effect.  My daughter at this point was so tight with anxiety that she wouldn’t allow anyone to go near her.  The end result, my daughter didn’t do the test.  No surprise here. And the drug took effect while we were on our way home.

So over the weekend I debated as to whether or not I should contact the hospital’s patient relations department over this.  In the end I did.  I’m glad that I did because I learned a lot from this incident.  Where I believed that there was a breakdown in communication at the hospital, was completely far from the truth.  What was discovered was that the radiologist was uncomfortable in prescribing the drug, and therefore was delaying the test from taking place.  The nurses could not do anything until they received the go ahead from him.  And we were left in the dark, waiting.  Nothing was ever communicated to us.  So now, once again we must return there, and I’m not sure how to do this.  My daughter is adamant about not stepping foot in a hospital again.  Heck, yesterday she wouldn’t even sit in the dentist chair, and she never had a problem going to the dentist.  This incident has certainly created ripple effects.

These are some of the things I learned from this incident:

  1. You MUST take control of your own health.  We are all human, and therefore mistakes will happen.  Doctors, nurses or anyone that works in health care are not immune to mistakes.
  2. Always look at who else is involved in with what you’re doing.  If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, communicate with others and come up with an alternative plan.  As a result of the radiologist not doing his job, my daughter was traumatized, and now many more complicated steps are required in order for her next appointment to take place.
  3. There are always consequences to actions or inactions.  Consider them before doing anything and then proceed with care.  Again, because of this incident, many people have had to get involved now.  Also, this was a time sensitive test, which the radiologist may or may had not known.  I am praying that there will not be any adverse consequences because now there is a long delay to her next test. Had he had thought of this, maybe this would not have happened.   This is a hospital after all, and she is having a test for a reason.
  4. Advocate for yourself.  You deserve the best because you matter.  If you see that someone cannot advocate for themselves, step in.  Everyone is important.

Of course these lessons are not limited to health care.  They apply to all areas of life.  I struggled with whether or not I should share them with you, but I felt that I needed to, because I care about you.  Not that I have any enemies, but if I did, I wouldn’t wish this upon them.  No one should experience this.  In a nutshell, don’t remain silent and accept things the way they are.  Speak up.  You matter.

Eat This, Not That!

“Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food.” – Hippocrates

Yesterday I mentioned that I was overweight while in elementary school.  I wasn’t significantly overweight, but I wasn’t thin either.  I wouldn’t say I was average weight either.  I was just pudgy.  I struggled with my weight most of my life.  I tried almost every diet out there, and I exercised all the time.  But the weight just wouldn’t come off.

While I was pregnant with my daughter, I was very strict with what I ate.  No junk or refined foods and lots of fruits and vegetables. I felt good, and the pregnancy went smoothly.  She was born a healthy 8lbs.  One week after she was born, I weighed less that before I was pregnant with her. Almost one year after that, I weighed 215lbs!!!  What the heck happened?

My hormones went out of whack, stress and coping with being a new mom is what happened.  I tried dieting, fitting in exercise while she slept and starving.  It didn’t work.  So I went to see my GP, and he sent to me to a diet clinic for people suffering from Metabolic Syndrome.  This term is a catch-all name for a group of risk factors that may occur together which increase your risk of developing coronary artery disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes.  Some of these are signs that point to metabolic syndrome, and the most important ones are carrying weight around the middle and upper parts of the body (which I didn’t have – I’m pear-shaped), and being insulin resistant (which I wasn’t either).  What I did have was: I was getting older, hormone changes, and lack of exercise.

I didn’t care that I was being sent there, I was just happy that I had help.  I was put on a strict eating plan where I was only able to eat dark green vegetables and protein during the first phase – which seemed to last forever.  The second phase allowed for some fruits, some grains, and a bit more protein – which I rarely got to be on.  No sugars were allowed, only artificial sweeteners.  I became obsessed with food, because I saw the results and I was loving it.  I was exercising and eating well and the weight was coming off.  I felt good.

Then I decided to start running, and within a year I went from not knowing how to run, to training for 10k races.  I was still on the eating plan, and when I went in for my weekly appointment, I started getting lectured because I was no longer in ketosis.  I wasn’t being heard when I stated that I needed more complex carbs in my diet because I was training, and I was feeling weak and dizzy when I trained and strictly followed their diet.  I knew what was right for my body, so I stopped going.

Fast forward a few years to today.  I still managed to keep the weight off, and I’m running again.  I have struggled with food a bit, but overall I’ve been ok.  I admit, there was a time period where I’ve made extremely bad choices and have paid the consequence for it.  I’ve been trying to get back to eating clean for not only my sake, but also my daughter’s, especially since the scare we had earlier this year.  But I just wasn’t sure how, and I felt like a failure.  I previously enrolled a Fitness Leadership program at school, and have placement left in order to graduate.  I know this stuff, but why am I having so much trouble?

And then I figured out why.  I watched Dr. Robert Lustig on CBS and then googled him and found a more in-depth lecture as well. These were real eye-openers for me.  The information I learned was horrifying.  And it all finally made sense!  I couldn’t understand what was happened to me and my daughter.  Sure, we didn’t eat well all the time, but we certainly didn’t eat horribly.  And now I could see how what was hidden in what we were eating led to her condition.  Poor thing was doomed from shortly after birth from when she was put on formula.

I became angry, and this led me to develop a strategy.  To get her to understand the importance of food servings and eating clean, we have food charts on the fridge which we mark off every day – how many servings of fruit and veg, grains, dairy etc.  And we are limited to junk food only one day a week, and we have cut out all sugar/fructose from our diet.  I was worried about how my daughter would handle this, and to my amazement, she loves it!  She told me that she has noticed a difference, she “feels better” as she says. She also has turned down cookie offers at school from other kids because she doesn’t want to feel awful. I see that she is no longer bloated all the time, she has lost weight, and she is more energetic (which means I’m more exhausted haha).  I feel wonderful as well, and when I have anything with sugar, I find it way to sweet.

I still can’t help getting angry when I think about what is being added to our foods.  Sugar and fructose are deadly to our body, and those people know it.  I have reverted back to cooking and eating like our ancestors did.  It takes more time, granted, but it’s much better and tastier.  I get to be more creative with the foods I make, and I am proud of what I do now.  We aren’t meant to eat these highly processed foods.  Our bodies aren’t designed that way.  It took me a while to figure this out, but I finally have done so.

My rule of thumb to live by, eat your foods as closely to their natural state as possible, and you will be fine.

Right Now I Am HERE

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have.  Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”  ―  Eckhart Tolle

Where are you right now?  Me? Right now, I’m in my pj’s, sitting in my computer room.  I just finished my bowl of cereal, I’m sipping on my coffee and trying to get my brain to wake up.  For some reason, writing helps it wake up properly. Otherwise it takes hours.

So, I’ve just told you where I am physically.  Now mentally, I could be anywhere.  Most times, my mind is hours, days or even weeks ahead of the present moment (and sadly, even years at times).  Where are you mentally?  Of course, you’re reading this post, so you would think that you were here.  But are you really?  Or are you just reading the words, and thinking what you need to get done at work, or what to make for dinner, or even, what you’re planning to do for the weekend?

It’s so easy to get ahead of ourselves.  Most times, when we do, it’s because we worry and are anxious.  We need to learn how to center ourselves, be grounded in the present moment.  It’s unrealistic to say we shouldn’t think of the future, because we need to. We should plan for our future.  But when you start worrying about possible outcomes, when you know that they may not take place that way, that’s when you get yourself into trouble – when you begin to fret, when you aren’t able to function normally and you are so anxious that you become to be in a permanent state of “basket case-ness.”

So what do you do in times like this?  There are lots which you can do.  I’ll share with you some of the things that I have learned, some from the many psychology books I’ve read, and what has been shared by close friends and my therapist.

One option is to write things down from the heart.  Really write down what you are feeling.  Not in point form or anything, but in full complete sentences as if you are having a conversation with someone.  Many times when we are worrying about the future we are ashamed to tell anyone for fear of judgement, so we internalize it.  That leads to a whole mess of things, so by writing it down it allows you to acknowledge it, let it go, and then you feel lighter.  Here is an example of what I wrote once:

“I feel like sh*t.  I can’t seem to concentrate on anything.  All I want to do is cry.  I have so much to do in the next week that I don’t know when I’m going to get two minutes to just breathe.  I have to do ‘this,’ and then from there I have to go ‘here’ and see ‘this person.’  I wonder what they will say?  I just know that they’re going to tear my head off.  Oh and because of that, our relationship will never be the same.  They won’t like me anymore, and that means I’ve just blown my chances with ever getting somewhere.  I just know that they hate me and think I’m an idiot.  Why do I even bother.  And how am I going to get through the week?  I’m so exhausted just thinking about it.  And on Saturday I have so many people coming over, how am I going to prepare all that food when I’m booked down to the minute? Maybe I should cancel, but I can’t, people are coming from far and have held the date for so long.”

As you can see, my mind was so far ahead, and I was so scattered.  Just by writing it down, it allowed me to release the fear.  Another technique is to repeat “Right now, I am ….” or “At this moment, I am …..” Basically, what you are doing is bringing yourself back into the present, to what you are currently doing.  This really works well, especially if you don’t have the ability to write anything down.  Many times I find myself skipping ahead, and I say “Smartie, right now you are washing the dishes” or “At this moment, you are driving.”  The mind always seems to drift when I’m doing something which doesn’t require much thought.

And lastly, when I try to rein in my mind, and I have trouble doing so, I do the technique which my therapist taught me.  She has me use three of my senses: sight, sound and feel.  You would start off by listening to five things around you, the see five things around you and then feel five things around you.  So right now, five things I hear are: 1. the punching of the keys to my laptop 2. the airplanes outside 3. my breath 4. the hum of my laptop 5. the car door being slammed.  Five things I see are: 1. my laptop 2. the blinking light to my Blackberry 3. The sunlight shinning on the wall 4. my computer screen 5. my fingers moving as I type.  Five things I feel are: 1. my fingers on the keys 2. the floor under my bare feet 3. the chair supporting my lower back 4. my hair tickling my face 5. my breath on my lip.  And so you would repeat this again, but this time naming four items and then three and then two and so on until you reach one.  It’s ok to repeat items as well.  Once you get to one you’ll feel so grounded and in the present moment.  It’s so calming.  I even find that I use this technique when I’m having trouble sleeping, as most times I’m usually thinking of something.

So, now after reading this, I’m going to ask you again.  Where are you right now?  Me? Right now, I am HERE.

An Experiment

“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that’s part of the experiment? I’m like that all the time.” – Steven Wright

I’d like you to try something amazing that I just discovered.  Actually, I didn’t “just” discover it.  I’ve known about it for quite a few months, but didn’t do anything with it.  Today I decided to try an experiment, and now I’d like you to as well.  It really is cool.  So please follow my instructions closely that way you get the full effect.

You can do this anywhere – at work, at home, standing in line at the grocery store.  It doesn’t matter where you are.  Don’t worry about looking stupid, because nobody will even notice what you’re doing anyway. Ready?  Ok, here it goes: I want you to smirk.  You know, curl up your lips just a tiny bit at the ends – kind of like you’re smiling to yourself, like you know a big secret that no one else knows. Now include your eyes as well. Let them curl up a bit, also like when you’re smiling.

You probably think that I’ve lost whatever marbles I have left, but before you pass any judgment or dismiss what I’m telling you, really give it a shot.  Now continue doing this for about ten more seconds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

Now stop.  I mean it, stop.  Let your face relax into its regular form. Continue for ten seconds like this now.  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

Now smirk again.  Don’t worry, this is the last time I’m going to ask you to do this.

Did you feel a shift in your mood from when you smirked and then stopped, and then smirked again?  How did you feel when you were smirking? Did you feel lighter?  Content? Relaxed?  I did.  And when I stopped, I felt “blah.”

I was told about this by a friend who was reading The Power of Infinite Love and Gratitude.  I don’t think I have everything down pact with this technique, so don’t quote me exactly on it but what I do remember really works.  Originally I thought that this technique was full of baloney (no offence to baloney lovers) but it’s not.  Think about it, how could you feel depressed, angry, and gloomy when you’re walking around with a smile on your face?  Negative thoughts can’t penetrate either.  This technique isn’t about replacing your feelings.  If you’re angry, then be angry.  Feel the emotion right through.  This technique shortens the duration of that feeling.  Your outlook is brighter, and things and events won’t get to you as much, so the chances of you feeling angry in the first place are greatly reduced.

I know it’s hard to go around all day purposely placing a smirk on your face, but after a while, it becomes a habit.  Your ‘blah’ face became norm after all, didn’t it?  So why not replace it with a little smile?

Today I made a conscious effort to practice this and I was amazed at how energized I feel. I feel happier, am walking taller, and feel so much more alive. I feel like I was walking around with a big secret that only I know.  Well, it was kind of like that, until I shared it with you.

I welcome you to try it out. Let me know how you make out. I’m interested in hearing about your experience.

Smartie

I Am So Sorry!

“The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.” Oprah Winfrey

I’ve recently noticed that the comments received on my posts have died down.  I asked a friend who is an avid reader, and at one time, a frequent ‘commenter’ why he hasn’t been commenting and his response was “you tend to repeat yourself.”  That comment hurt, a lot. Like a knife through the heart.  A few minutes later, I got over it.

But it got me thinking….and then….

***The light bulb switched on***

Crap!

I do repeat myself!!!!!

In some form or fashion, and lately my posts have been dark….

To my dear readers, I apologize for putting you through this torture.  I truly am.  But at the same time, isn’t life like that sometimes though?  We tend to go through the same thing over and over, but in different ways.  These events mask themselves as different days, different people, and different situations.  It’s hard to keep everything fresh, especially when I’m writing about my life, and how I see things.  Or maybe that is the issue; I haven’t allowed myself to see things differently.  I don’t know.  Do you know? Please tell me if you do…

I’m trying to learn, navigate my way through as best as I can in this thing we call life.  I’m no expert, never claimed to be.  Remember the days of high school? I’m just like a student in school; I need to do my homework, practice in order to get better.  Some subjects require a heck of a lot of work, and others I can breeze through with little effort.  Although there were some subjects I enjoyed in school, and if I applied myself I could have gotten really good grades, for the most part I hated the damn institution.  Looking back, I wish I did apply myself more, because I feel like I was short-changed and could have done more.  But that’s my stuff to deal with, which I am…sorry for the ramble….

So, to give you some info about me to keep things fresh – I’m writing this blog because I enjoy it, but also because I’m in the midst of making a career transition.  I’m a writer.  I write because I love it, it’s a part of me which I’ve neglected for the longest time, and although I’ve worked in so many different industries, I want to do what I love. I want to write.   I want to share my experiences with everyone, with hopes to inspire them to live the life they want to, to it’s fullest, to learn from my life and to assist wherever possible.

I also like to receive feedback, whether it’s good or bad.  In fact, I think any type of feedback is good – even if you tell me I’m full of crap.  If you do decide to do that, I would appreciate an explanation as to why you think so, as I see it as an opportunity to look at things in a different way, sometimes in ways that I wouldn’t have even thought of before.  I also love a good debate – nothing like a good’ol discussion to try to get your point across, and exercise your mind.  How fun!

And if you want to know my views on something, or want me to write about something in particular or even want to test your writing skills and be a guest blogger, let me know – either on my blog or via email.  I’m open to anything.

Till next time!!!

Smartie