“And so this is Christmas / I hope you have fun / The near and the dear one / The old and the young” – John Lennon
It’s Christmas Eve and I’ve just finished wrapping the last of the presents. They are all under the tree, the stockings are hung near the fire place, and the plates for Santa and his reindeer have been set. Later on tonight before bed time, I’ll put out the cookies, chocolate milk, carrots and apple slices – by myself. And it’s ok.
My daughter is with her Dad tonight and I’ll pick her up in the morning. This is also the second Christmas without my Dad and as well year two being separated from my ex. I thought I would find it hard, but surprisingly, even though it does hurt like heck, I’m still ok. Maybe it will hit me hard later on in the night, I don’t know but right now I’m fine. I think I have come to terms with the fact that times have changed and new traditions are in the process of being made. This has helped me cope. I think that I’ve come a long way from my post from last year at this time: Have A Merry Lonely Christmas
Christmas time is a time for family, friends and showing how much you appreciate them. This season, as much as my heart hurt with the loss of the old traditions at Christmas time, I made it a point to start new traditions with my daughter. We sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs, we had fun decorating the tree, we baked, we wrapped, but we also made sure to show how much we appreciate one other – by taking the time and really sitting with each other. It wasn’t about going out shopping, but about spending time together. This morning we snuggled in bed, had pillow fights, played on the floor together. We spent time together until it was time for her to go with her Dad.
And then I did something new. I spent the afternoon with a friend. We had a nice meal together. This was foreign to me. Never had I done something like that on Christmas Eve. In the past it has always been about, then rushing home to go to church and then to either my parents or my in-laws house for dinner. I always found stressful, but not this time. This time I had a wonderful afternoon with a wonderful person. (I’m going make a point of doing this throughout the holidays with other friends, especially on New Years Eve and New Years Day).
And now, on Christmas Eve I’m writing. After this I’m going to the evening service at church, and whatever time I get there, I get there. Then I’m spending the evening with more great company – my family. Tomorrow, again with family and an added bonus – my daughter.
I guess there comes a time when one realises that Christmas is imporant. But it’s not about buying presents and getting caught up in all of that commercialism and about everything being perfect – a perfect tree, a perfect table spread, a perfect meal. I believe that how you experience it depends on your state of mind – it can be happy or it can be miserable. Last year I was miserable because I didn’t have my daughter, my Dad nor my ex. The years before I was miserable because I was stressed because of all the pressures of everything needing to be perfect. But this year it’s different. Yes, I miss my daughter terribly at this moment, I wish she were here with me, but I can’t do anything about that. But I am going to do the best with what I can, and rather than being sad, and isolating myself, I’m going to enjoy every moment with who and what I can.
To all of you, I send warm wishes for a very Merry Christmas. May you be blessed with peace, happiness and love.