The Honeymoon Effect – Is it really possible?

“The Honeymoon Effect: A state of bliss, passion, energy, and health resulting from a huge love.  Your life is so beautiful that you can’t wait to get up to start a new day and thank the Universe that you are alive.” – The Honeymoon Effect – the science of creating heaven on earth.

the honeymoon effect

Is it possible to create heaven on earth?  I pondered this many times, especially when I was at a low point in my life.  But apparently it is possible.

My first exposure to Bruce Lipton was during the Hay House “I Can Do It” Conference in Toronto this past July where he lectured on The Honeymoon Effect – the science of creating heaven on earth.  I was curious to learn about it and I was completely astounded by the information which was shared.  I was then very happy to receive this book by which the lecture was based on for free from Hay House Publishing for review purposes and the follow review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgement of this book.

Firstly, I must say that I wish I had come across this book many, many years ago as it would have saved me a tonne of grief and heart ache.

The book talks about the law of attraction and how it affects a relationship, but takes it a step further than all the other books out there that attempt to explain the same.  Most books preach that what you put out there is what you get, but fail to explain how this phenomenon takes place and the mechanics behind it – quantum physics.  Although the book is scientific, it is very easy to read.  It is written for the average person and contains humor as well, which is refreshing as scientific concepts can be very dull and dry.  Bruce has a talent for telling and incorporating relevant and entertaining stories to support his theory.

Lipton does really well in explaining how all the subconscious gunk which we collect while growing up, the programing we are subjected to, affects all the decisions we make, and how we bring them into our relationships with other people, and how we look for them to complete us, and therefore are never satisfied.

What was comforting for me was his explanation about good vibes and bad vibes. I’m the type of person who functions very much on intuition however there have been many times when I override what my intuition tells me and proceed with logic only to be burned in the end. Lipton states “Good vibes are nature’s way of telling you that you’re in the right place or with the right person.  Just being in the same room with a partner who is in harmony with you lifts your energy; together you create ripples that produce high-energy waves.”

He then goes on to state that “bad” vibes have the opposite effect and can be very destructive, and “may be your nervous system’s warning that you’re hanging out with the wrong person.  An energetically disharmonious relationship likely features shouting matches and recriminations – even being in the same room with your partner depresses you.” I found it absolutely fascinating learning about the science behind this, and also the depth to which he goes into.

As I mentioned previously, I wish I had read this book long time ago, such as 15 years ago, as it would have saved me a lot of pain and grief which I experienced in many of my relationships.  However, since I can’t go back in time and fix those relationships, I am certainly keeping this knowledge in tow and using the skills and tools learned with my present day relationships.  I recommend this book to anyone who is in a relationship – romantic or not.

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Predisposition and Enigma – Huh?

“Words – so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne

These last two days I’ve become a regular visitor to Dictionary.com.  I’ve been called an enigma and have been told that I have a predisposition.  I’ve heard these words used many, many times but have never really thought or cared to know their actual meaning.  I find it easy to put together a supposed meaning for words depending on the way the sentence or paragraph is constructed, but to be flat outright called an enigma, and being told that I have a predisposition, well, I felt dumb. What the heck do they mean?

So I referenced the dictionary for their meanings and this is what I found out:

Enigma – n a person, thing or situation that is mysterious, puzzling, or ambiguous.

Predisposition – tendency to a condition or quality, usually based on the combined effects of genetic and environmental factors.

Needless to say, I was shocked to learn this.  I never really saw myself like this but now, while taking a good look in the mirror, I can see it quite clearly.  Like the saying goes “hindsight is 20/20.”

I’ve been called complex, complicated, intense, high maintenance and even difficult.  Those qualities never sat right with me because I find that they have negative connotations tied to them and I don’t see myself in a bad way.  I believe I have a big heart and I feel deeply about things, situations and people.  Who knows, maybe that is where the intensity and high maintenance comes in. And I’m still learning about myself, I’m open to seeing things in new ways, allowing myself to grow as a person, and therefore I am constantly evolving and changing.  Perhaps that is where the complexity and complication comes to into play.

I’m not big on labels.  Never liked them at all.  I think it’s a way to quickly pass judgement on people without even knowing them but I can’t help but wear the enigma badge proudly.  I have to admit that there is something to being mysterious and puzzle-like which I find neat.  But I’m also aware that it must be frustrating for some people who are trying to figure me out and get to know me.  I’m not intentionally trying to hide anything or trying to make things difficult, I’m just learning about myself, figuring out what fits for me, and what works.  And if something doesn’t, then I just move on to learn about something new.

What I’m having trouble with is being told that I have a predisposition. As much as I’d hate to admit to it, I do.  What I struggle the most with is that the person who told me this I have known for a very short period of time, about a week and that this person has been able to see right inside of me.  I’m a private person (yes, one that writes about my thoughts and feelings for the entire world to see – an oxymoron, I know).  Only one other person in this entire world has been able to see right into me like this, and now I’m faced with a second person.  I sit uncomfortably with this.  This person has pinned down that the outgoing, joking, sarcastic front I put on to not let people really see me is just that – a front.  Because of my past, I don’t feel comfortable letting people get close to me, to really know who I am, yet I enjoy being in company.  And so I put up a wall.  As I was told, not many people will put up with this behaviour for long and eventually they will go away.  I don’t let it easily be seen that there is someone beyond that front, and it will lead to a very lonely life down the road.  The good thing is, predisposition does not mean predestination.  It doesn’t have to end up this way.

I’m aware of the wall, and I’m working on it with my therapist, but I didn’t really know how bad it was.  This was a HUGE lightbulb moment for me.  This front is automatic, not only with people I just first meet, but with everyone in my life.  As soon as they start getting close with me, up it goes, and it’s like a brick wall.  It keeps them out and me in.

I’m reading a book called “The Last Lecture” and in it the author at one point talks about brick walls.  The purpose of the brick wall isn’t to stop people from doing what they or getting what they want.  The purpose of a brick was is to show you how badly you want something, and how you can overcome any obstacle if you truly want to.  This is a brick wall for me.  One that I have to scale.

So how about that….I’m an enigma with a predisposition.  Who would have thought?

I Have A Present For You…

…but I need to borrow your arms for the wrapping paper. ~ Author Unknown

To redeem your gift, please do the following:

  1. Take your right hand and place it onto your left shoulder.
  2. Take your left hand and place it onto your right shoulder.
  3. Squeeze as hard as you can.

I hope you enjoyed your hug.

I’m a hugger.  I love receiving hugs, and I especially love giving hugs.  If I knew I wouldn’t be arrested, I’d give hugs to complete strangers.  I am the type of person who pronounces to someone that I’m a hugger, go to that person and wrap my arms around them, often time neglecting to ask them if the feeling was mutual.  Even if they tell me that they don’t want a hug, I tend to ignore them and give them one anyway.  As a good friend said to me once, “a hug allows to people’s hearts to greet each other.”  And she’s right.  Because if you’re hugging facing each other, your hearts align perfectly, and if you’re hugging by one person standing behind another, they still align perfectly.

There something quite powerful about a hug that can’t be replicated elsewhere.  As humans, we have a basic need for touch and safety.  That’s why hospitals now have a new born baby placed on it’s mother’s chest within moments of being born.  What does the mother instinctively do? She hugs the baby, to make sure it feels loved and safe.  A hug allows for your basic needs to be met.  At that very moment, when you’re in an embrace, you’re safe in that person’s arms, you’re feeling loved and the world stands still for a while.  A hug also breaks down the barriers in a way that words can’t do.  It’s a time for bonding and comfort.

I remember one of my earliest memories of being hugged.  It was with my Dad and I was sitting on my little duckmobile.  He had his arms around me.  I have a picture of that moment, and still can remember being hugged by him.  I felt safe and loved.

A hug is a great way to salute a new person we meet.  It shows that you really care that they are with you at that moment, and that they are welcome.  It’s telling them that they are important.

Without hugs, we struggle.  We feel alone, isolated.  We feel that we don’t belong.  We try to convince ourselves that we don’t need a hug, we can do without.  But really think about it, is that true?  Yesterday I went to watch Hope Springs starring Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones.  It’s a great movie about a devoted couple who have been married for over 30 years, but have lost the connection in their marriage.  The movie is about their visit to a couples therapist, and their attempts to reignite the spark in their marriage.

This movie brought back painful memories from the past for me.  I saw many similarities from my past marriage in that movie.  Even though it was difficult at times to watch, I still think it was a great movie, and I suggest that everyone see it.  Everyone can benefit from it. What really stung the most was the main character’s longing to be hugged.  She so desperately wanted a hug.  The marriage had gotten so bad that although they both longed for touch, it was at the point that their pride got in the way and prevented them from doing a basic act. One of the basic exercises the therapist had them do was to hug each other, and they struggled with it.  They had become strangers.

Why do we pride get in our way? Are we willing to let the relationship deteriorate.  Rather than reaching out to the person that you love, we retreate inward.  People who love you, that’s what they should do, love you when you’re not so lovable, and hug you.  If you’re angry at someone, hug that person.  It’s even more of a reason to do it.  It will be hard to do, because you’re angry.  But do it anyway.  And when you hug them, really mean it, don’t hug them with no feeling. Use your strength.  A fake hug can easily be felt and will only make matters worse.  It shows the other person that even though you are angry, you still love them.  And that makes them feel important, loved and safe.  We do that easily with children, so why can’t we do this with adults?

Think back to your last hug.  I remember mine.  I was asked if I wanted a hug, and I immediately said yes.  I felt arms come around me and give me a gigantic hug.  The warm simple pleasure of human contact felt wonderful, and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt good.  I felt safe and that everything would be ok.

Now I need to ask you a favour, play that hug I gave forward.  Show someone else how much you care for them.  Give them a hug.

An Experiment

“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that’s part of the experiment? I’m like that all the time.” – Steven Wright

I’d like you to try something amazing that I just discovered.  Actually, I didn’t “just” discover it.  I’ve known about it for quite a few months, but didn’t do anything with it.  Today I decided to try an experiment, and now I’d like you to as well.  It really is cool.  So please follow my instructions closely that way you get the full effect.

You can do this anywhere – at work, at home, standing in line at the grocery store.  It doesn’t matter where you are.  Don’t worry about looking stupid, because nobody will even notice what you’re doing anyway. Ready?  Ok, here it goes: I want you to smirk.  You know, curl up your lips just a tiny bit at the ends – kind of like you’re smiling to yourself, like you know a big secret that no one else knows. Now include your eyes as well. Let them curl up a bit, also like when you’re smiling.

You probably think that I’ve lost whatever marbles I have left, but before you pass any judgment or dismiss what I’m telling you, really give it a shot.  Now continue doing this for about ten more seconds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

Now stop.  I mean it, stop.  Let your face relax into its regular form. Continue for ten seconds like this now.  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.

Now smirk again.  Don’t worry, this is the last time I’m going to ask you to do this.

Did you feel a shift in your mood from when you smirked and then stopped, and then smirked again?  How did you feel when you were smirking? Did you feel lighter?  Content? Relaxed?  I did.  And when I stopped, I felt “blah.”

I was told about this by a friend who was reading The Power of Infinite Love and Gratitude.  I don’t think I have everything down pact with this technique, so don’t quote me exactly on it but what I do remember really works.  Originally I thought that this technique was full of baloney (no offence to baloney lovers) but it’s not.  Think about it, how could you feel depressed, angry, and gloomy when you’re walking around with a smile on your face?  Negative thoughts can’t penetrate either.  This technique isn’t about replacing your feelings.  If you’re angry, then be angry.  Feel the emotion right through.  This technique shortens the duration of that feeling.  Your outlook is brighter, and things and events won’t get to you as much, so the chances of you feeling angry in the first place are greatly reduced.

I know it’s hard to go around all day purposely placing a smirk on your face, but after a while, it becomes a habit.  Your ‘blah’ face became norm after all, didn’t it?  So why not replace it with a little smile?

Today I made a conscious effort to practice this and I was amazed at how energized I feel. I feel happier, am walking taller, and feel so much more alive. I feel like I was walking around with a big secret that only I know.  Well, it was kind of like that, until I shared it with you.

I welcome you to try it out. Let me know how you make out. I’m interested in hearing about your experience.

Smartie

What I’ve Learned on Mother’s Day

“She’s my teacher, my adviser, my greatest inspiration” – Whitney Houston

Photo by Amy Arroyo

Yesterday was Mother’s Day.  Normally it’s a day that we honour our mothers and thank them for everything they have done for us.  This year I decided to do that, and something more.  I decided to reflect on what it is to be a mother, and honour my daughter for gifting me with the opportunity of being a mother.  I looked back on the last six years of my life to the remarkable moment when she was born.  On that day I suddenly found myself face to face not only with a little baby minutes old, but someone who would one day be a little girl, and then a woman.  I knew then that I was in for the ride for my life. I saw the tremendous responsibilities I would face, and also the unmentionable joys she would bring.   OMG!

Shortly after she was born I found that my life was turned upside down. It was as if an earthquake took place and the earth cracked open and swallowed me up.  Everything I knew had shifted and all the deep feelings inside of me which I had covered up were unearthed.   Somehow, everything that did not make sense to me became clear – all the stuff that I didn’t understand about my mother. Double OMG!

So yesterday I looked at how my life has changed since this little creature decided to crawl into it and what she has taught me thus far.  Where do I even start to tell you what she taught me?  I’ll guess I’ll start with her rules to live by.  She states (and is right of course) that “The secret to a happy life is to: 1. Don’t take anything too seriously 2. Make sure you have fun 3. Use your imagination”

Not bad for a six year old!

So I’ve been trying to apply her wisdom to everything I do.  And with that have learned countless lessons as a result of following her three rules.  I think I can write an entire book of the lessons she has taught me, but for now I’ll name a few:  She has taught me what it is to believe, what courage and strength is all about, and how to love and dream.  And of course, she is oblivious to all of this because she is only six years old.

There were days when I would be filled with exhaustion.  When I have been brought down to my knees and didn’t think that I could deal with one more thing without having a major freak attack – not one ounce of energy was left in me.  I would find myself wanting to curl up in the corner in a fetal position, screaming at the top of my lungs to God, telling him off and saying “Ok, you’ve got me! I give up!!” And then, my little girl would step in and become my personal cheer leader.  For example, there was a time when I was having a battle with the kitchen cabinets and I was losing in the most pathetic way.  I was ready to throw in the towel, or better yet take a sledge hammer to them, and then cry when she says “Way to go Mommy! Look at what you did! I knew you could do it!” And I knew then that I could keep going.  I did accomplish a lot. It didn’t matter what the world would throw my way, that because of her, I knew that I could get through anything some way, somehow.  I learned that success doesn’t come from everything being perfect all the time, but from trying, failing and trying again. Or better yet, being happy with what you have already accomplished.  And every time I would continue to try, my belief in myself would grow just that bit more.  I learned that it doesn’t matter where I am, there is someone who believes in me, and she is the most precious angel of all.

In the past when I was afraid to do something, I would tirelessly try to dodge whatever needed to get done.  My fear would paralyze me. But with this little delicate, yet fiercely brave girl, I find that there is nothing that could challenge or try to defeat me.  There is nothing else that matters more in this world to me that my daughter.  The courage that this little girl has brought to me allows me to crush down anything that stands in the path between me and her.  I find that I am able to stare down into the darkness and look fear right in the eye and say “get out of the way or else you will get hurt.” I learned that strength comes from standing up, facing things and doing what’s right even if sometimes you must stand alone. I have been faced with many challenges which I wish upon no one and the biggest one being not know if my daughter had a life-threatening condition.  I had to find the courage to take her to the children’s hospital and having her tested, at the same time being scared down to my very core all the while being calm and supportive of her.  It’s a delicate skill to have to be shaking in your boots, be graceful like a ballerina and smile like a beauty queen all at the same time.  You should try it some time.  You’ll feel like an idiot, but it does work.  Really, it does!

I am also going to let you in on a little secret that we both share:  A hug can sometimes say more than words ever can. It can make all the difference between having a good day or having a bad day.  It’s a way to communicate that no matter what happened just now, it’s all ok.  In between those arms is a comfortable place to get support, to lean, to hide.  It’s a safe place to go to.  It’s a way to say I love you without words.  My daughter and I hug all the time, every chance we get.  I see in her that she pays this forward.  As a result of our being affectionate with each other, she, like me, has come to feel more deeply, question more deeply and ultimately love more deeply.  And knowing that we have each other’s arms to return to whenever we want, it’s a reminder that we are there for each other. She knows that the door is always open if she wants to talk, to share things with me, now or in the future.  She knows that I love her, and I know that she loves me – no matter what.  She knows that I love her just because.  It’s also a great time to have silly time together, and laugh.  Nothing beats a great hug.

My daughter is the most beautiful gift that I have received.  She brightens my day and warms my heart.  It’s difficult being a Mom, I don’t deny it.  There is no way to be a perfect mother, as such a thing does not exist.  But I strive to be a good mom.  I strive to teach my beautiful daughter the art of living, just as she has taught me the very same thing.  When I was pregnant, I found it odd that I was never alone, even though there was no one else in the room with me.  And now that she is six years old, I still find that I’m never alone, as she is always in my thoughts.  Before I do anything I always find that I have to think twice, once for me and once for her.  I feel that she and I are connected to one another.  She keeps me straight and true as she is the spine in my body.  She keeps me strong by being the blood which runs through me.  She is in my heart and keeps it beating. She is in my soul as she is my energy.  She is my biggest supporter and shares with me little wisdoms each day.  She shaped me into the person I am today.  I now cannot imagine how I ever lived without her.